Abstract Thoughts: Romantic love…
“Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one. It’s a drug. It distorts reality, and that’s the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.”
-Fran Lebowitz
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I have to disagree with this quote. I believe that romantic love is more rational than most people put on it. I think that real romantic love is when one or both people feel as secure, as they possibly can, with a person to where both the attempted romantic, unattempted romantic, and the mundane things are important enough to make their relationship work. A mental disorder or mental illness is a psychological or behavioral pattern that occurs in an individual and is thought to cause distress or disability that is not expected as part of normal development or culture.
The concept of wanting to be loved, even romantically, is completely natural. Yet, different cultures development it in different ways. I don’t believe in the concept of “falling” in love, because you can fall out of things. I believe that love is when a person(s) has made a commitment to accept a person for all their goods and bads, and when both persons have made a commitment to not give up on the work of the relationship.
Sorry to be so technical.
Hi Ehav!
I’m looking at that quote two ways. First of all, as a woman I can relate to Ms. Lebowitz’s take on the matter of love. Most women grow to love someone to the exclusion of almost everything else…meaning, we tend to overlook or ignore many things about the one we love; hence the “long suffering” wife syndrome. We idealize and magnify their good points and minimize any flaws. Yes, it’s foolish, but that’s what we do!
From a scientific standpoint, there have been numerous tests done on the brain function of people deep in the grasp of romantic love. Some of these tests show chemical imbalances (adrenaline, dopamine and serotonin being effected) that are very similar to the chemical imbalances (mostly low serotonin) exhibited by patients diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive disorder. Mental illness is also a physiological problem, not just psychological or behavioral. The test subjects also showed increased oxytocin and vasopressin levels (hormones released for the purposes of reproduction). Can you tell I’ve been researching this?! lol All of that research says to me that being in love does make us a little bit crazy. I’m looking for a url for those studies.
Now, I will agree with you in that I don’t think people “fall” in love either, that makes it seem like a phase that one is going through. As old as I am, I have only been in love one time…and I’m still in love with him. I know that if our relationship were to end, I would still be in love with him. I guess it would cool off, but it would always be there…no falling in and out of love here!
By the way, I have no problem with you being technical! Thanks for stopping by!
Hey BHC,
It still sounds like what you described to me isn’t exactly Romantic love. It sounds like some level of the allure of the concept of love, more than real Romantic love. I think the issue is that there is no real way to measure LOVE. That is vs a person illusions, delusions, concepts, or perception of being loved. Because there is no way to scientifically quantify love, I think the previously listed words describe what a person perceives their reality is, and thus that can be measured with enough stimili and information on the subjects mind set.
Real romantic love, to me is something that is an ever changing experience that goes beyond what can be temperarily measured, but it is something that even during the mundane parts of a relationship romantic love can experienced in a sane and rational way. I know that women take on love in many ways different than men, but I think if you were to measure your willingness to be with someone through all the phases of the relationship: ups, downs, joy, sadness, dissappoint, surprise, digust, admiration, digust, longing, passion, hate, sorrow, anger, remorse, concern, etc. I think two people choosing to deal with realities as they come and continuing to make their relationship work is real romantic love.
Hey Ehav…your opinion is duly noted, and appreciated! I think it’s safe to say that with romantic love; any form of love actually, individual perceptions/experiences will vary greatly.
(Rubbin eyes…) “Whaaa?!?!?!?!?”
Huh?
Love is love simple as that. People who try to quantify it or define it fail simply because they are defining it through the prism of their own experiences. Love is more than the chemical equations of some scientist or the profound definitions of some papered shrink. Love is love and then some.
The only part of the quote I would even consider questioning is
“It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw”
Sometimes its what you really see that seals the deal. Or, because you see there is more to love. Yanno? I wouldn’t be so clinical about love. Instead I would simply say that love is in short supply too often and under appreciated way too soon.
Its as simple as that.
Well Mr. DJ…I have only one thing to say to you…
HMMMMMPH!!!!